A small tutorial for SUV drivers.
In summary. Can you PLEASE stop hitting me?
I'm going to speak very clearly, and write small sentences for those SUV drivers who may be tuning in today. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against SUV's - to me they kind of epitomise everything I moved to America for. Unnecessarily large, hulking gas-guzzling monsters built for climbing mountains and 95% of them never seeing any dirt. It's the deliberate excess I love - you make your money, you spend it how you want, mate. No sweat.
However. I am a motorbike rider. I am the natural born enemy of SUV's. I think I have some kind of yuppie-attractant in my blood or something. Any time I get in any trouble on the roads, it always seems to be with SUV drivers. Normally I am quick to dismiss a stereotype, but lately I'm thinking they exist for a reason. My last accident on a motorbike was due to an SUV full of kiddies and a Mum turning left out of a side road onto my main road right in front of me without looking. Brake-brake-brake-nowheretogo-shit-shit-THUNK-wheee as I fly over it. Bike totalled, thank you may I have another.
Props to her Geico insurance for giving me enough money to buy a new bike. So it's a new bike I ride in 2004 - lovely thing it is too. But I digress. This morning's SUV moment comes to you courtesy of the nice but dim woman I met at a traffic light right by my house. Traffic's all backed up, everyone stops, check my rear views, what a lovely morning, I love spring riding, it makes me so happy. Green light, yay! Throttle up, clutch slip, begin to pull away-THUNK-what the fuck? Try to pull away, can't. Bike stalls. I look back and there's a FUCKING ENORMOUS SUV up on the TOP of my rear wheel! I thought my tyre had popped under the weight. I look back, wait for the kindly SUV to reverse off my bike and then we pull over to inspect the damage. Luckily all it seems that I have sustained is a rather wonky license plate (I think they make them out of silly putty). Honda, I love you and all your little engineering pixies, thank you for keeping my bike intact. No misaligned wheel, no flat spot on the tyres, no puncture, nothing.
To SUV Drivers, I say:
This is a Red light. It means stop. Not on top of the vehicle or unfortunate soul in front of you, but nicely behind it leaving a small breathing space. It does not mean slip your clutch and creep forwards in traffic, nor does it mean call your long lost sister twice removed on your mobile phone. It means stop.
This is a green light. It means go. It does not mean honk your horn as soon as you see this light. It does not mean begin to pull away if you're behind 4 vehicles that have not begun moving yet. IT DOES NOT MEAN DRIVE OVER EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU SPACED OUT.
I humbly beg you on my virtual knees, you were blessed with a brain and the ability to creatively think for yourself. Engage brain!
I'm going to speak very clearly, and write small sentences for those SUV drivers who may be tuning in today. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against SUV's - to me they kind of epitomise everything I moved to America for. Unnecessarily large, hulking gas-guzzling monsters built for climbing mountains and 95% of them never seeing any dirt. It's the deliberate excess I love - you make your money, you spend it how you want, mate. No sweat.
However. I am a motorbike rider. I am the natural born enemy of SUV's. I think I have some kind of yuppie-attractant in my blood or something. Any time I get in any trouble on the roads, it always seems to be with SUV drivers. Normally I am quick to dismiss a stereotype, but lately I'm thinking they exist for a reason. My last accident on a motorbike was due to an SUV full of kiddies and a Mum turning left out of a side road onto my main road right in front of me without looking. Brake-brake-brake-nowheretogo-shit-shit-THUNK-wheee as I fly over it. Bike totalled, thank you may I have another.
Props to her Geico insurance for giving me enough money to buy a new bike. So it's a new bike I ride in 2004 - lovely thing it is too. But I digress. This morning's SUV moment comes to you courtesy of the nice but dim woman I met at a traffic light right by my house. Traffic's all backed up, everyone stops, check my rear views, what a lovely morning, I love spring riding, it makes me so happy. Green light, yay! Throttle up, clutch slip, begin to pull away-THUNK-what the fuck? Try to pull away, can't. Bike stalls. I look back and there's a FUCKING ENORMOUS SUV up on the TOP of my rear wheel! I thought my tyre had popped under the weight. I look back, wait for the kindly SUV to reverse off my bike and then we pull over to inspect the damage. Luckily all it seems that I have sustained is a rather wonky license plate (I think they make them out of silly putty). Honda, I love you and all your little engineering pixies, thank you for keeping my bike intact. No misaligned wheel, no flat spot on the tyres, no puncture, nothing.
To SUV Drivers, I say:
This is a Red light. It means stop. Not on top of the vehicle or unfortunate soul in front of you, but nicely behind it leaving a small breathing space. It does not mean slip your clutch and creep forwards in traffic, nor does it mean call your long lost sister twice removed on your mobile phone. It means stop.
This is a green light. It means go. It does not mean honk your horn as soon as you see this light. It does not mean begin to pull away if you're behind 4 vehicles that have not begun moving yet. IT DOES NOT MEAN DRIVE OVER EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU SPACED OUT.
I humbly beg you on my virtual knees, you were blessed with a brain and the ability to creatively think for yourself. Engage brain!
posted by CatSpit at
11:19 AM
