Mind your goddamned business.
Dear Phantom Snooper,
Let's get one thing straight. I don't play games at work. OK? So, despite what you think you may have seen when you walked by my cube, promptly before running to my manager like the fuckwit you are, I don't play games at work. Do you know why I don't play games at work? Well, for one, I have some fucking respect for my company, those I work with and for myself. Second, I'm not a fucking idiot. As a corollary to this, I work in a high traffic area, which I'm sure is partly to blame for your tattletaling ways, and is not inducive to game playing, should I want to do so. However, I think I've already addressed this topic. In case you're an imbecile, and oh wait, you are, I don't play games at work.
Do you know what I do at work? I work you fuck smeller. I. Work. And, might I add, I work pretty goddamned hard. The woman who had the project before me wrote 18 test cases in the 12 months she had the project. Care to guess how many I've written since the middle of February? Counting today's, forty-fucking-eight. And, that's not counting the 12 of her's that I rewrote. Care to see the ratio of my bugs logged to the other guy's? How's 10 to fucking 1 grab you by the short and curlies? And let us not forget, that when we have our development meeting twice a week, there's me and maybe 2 other people out of the 12 in that room, that could dictate, from memory, how every fucking use case and feature works. That's nothing against the developers, they're all working their fucking asses off (although I'm sure if you saw them looking at Yahoo once while you walked back from the kitchen, you may disagree). It's my job to know how the product works, so I know when it isn't working, and God knows I'm not spending 9 hours in that cubicle just so I can listen to my cube mate's goddamn cat's meow cellphone ringer.
And while we're on the subject, are you going and talking to the managers of this woman, who talks on the phone for about an hour and a half a day, sometimes simulataneously talking on her cell phone and her land line? Or how about my other cube neighbor who spends about 30 minutes a day rectifying her various customer service issues? Or the guy behind me who's phone sounds like a fucking symphony? I should know, I hear it every fucking ten minutes. Maybe you don't notice them because you're too busy watching me. Me, I notice them, and I don't give a fuck. Why? Because if they aren't doing their job, it's their's and their manager's problem, not mine.
So, unless there's something I'm supposed to be doing for you, and I'm not, then please, for me, mind your own goddamned business. And if there is something for you I'm supposed to be doing, then talk to me first. I'm a big boy. I can handle being taken to task on things. It rarely happens, so I'm OK with it. And don't give me your bullshit about why should everyone else work while I'm slacking off. Everyone else is slacking off as much as I am, you just can't see them. Shit, in the restroom someone had left a 5 page Time magazine article, printed off the web, that they were reading in the john. Think they would have spent so long in there if they didn't have fucking War and Peace to read? Yeah, I don't either. Besides, unless you've never surfed the web, talked on the phone, taken a long lunch, taken a smoke break, played hooky with a sick day, chatted in the kitchen, or spent any time at work not working 100%, then please, for all of us this time, shut the fuck up. And if you haven't done any of those things, I apologize Mr. Christ. So nice to have you back. Have you seen the latest movie about you?
Sincerely yours,
Suburbanjoe
P.S. The next time you think about running your piehole about me, ask yourself why you're not doing any fucking work.
Let's get one thing straight. I don't play games at work. OK? So, despite what you think you may have seen when you walked by my cube, promptly before running to my manager like the fuckwit you are, I don't play games at work. Do you know why I don't play games at work? Well, for one, I have some fucking respect for my company, those I work with and for myself. Second, I'm not a fucking idiot. As a corollary to this, I work in a high traffic area, which I'm sure is partly to blame for your tattletaling ways, and is not inducive to game playing, should I want to do so. However, I think I've already addressed this topic. In case you're an imbecile, and oh wait, you are, I don't play games at work.
Do you know what I do at work? I work you fuck smeller. I. Work. And, might I add, I work pretty goddamned hard. The woman who had the project before me wrote 18 test cases in the 12 months she had the project. Care to guess how many I've written since the middle of February? Counting today's, forty-fucking-eight. And, that's not counting the 12 of her's that I rewrote. Care to see the ratio of my bugs logged to the other guy's? How's 10 to fucking 1 grab you by the short and curlies? And let us not forget, that when we have our development meeting twice a week, there's me and maybe 2 other people out of the 12 in that room, that could dictate, from memory, how every fucking use case and feature works. That's nothing against the developers, they're all working their fucking asses off (although I'm sure if you saw them looking at Yahoo once while you walked back from the kitchen, you may disagree). It's my job to know how the product works, so I know when it isn't working, and God knows I'm not spending 9 hours in that cubicle just so I can listen to my cube mate's goddamn cat's meow cellphone ringer.
And while we're on the subject, are you going and talking to the managers of this woman, who talks on the phone for about an hour and a half a day, sometimes simulataneously talking on her cell phone and her land line? Or how about my other cube neighbor who spends about 30 minutes a day rectifying her various customer service issues? Or the guy behind me who's phone sounds like a fucking symphony? I should know, I hear it every fucking ten minutes. Maybe you don't notice them because you're too busy watching me. Me, I notice them, and I don't give a fuck. Why? Because if they aren't doing their job, it's their's and their manager's problem, not mine.
So, unless there's something I'm supposed to be doing for you, and I'm not, then please, for me, mind your own goddamned business. And if there is something for you I'm supposed to be doing, then talk to me first. I'm a big boy. I can handle being taken to task on things. It rarely happens, so I'm OK with it. And don't give me your bullshit about why should everyone else work while I'm slacking off. Everyone else is slacking off as much as I am, you just can't see them. Shit, in the restroom someone had left a 5 page Time magazine article, printed off the web, that they were reading in the john. Think they would have spent so long in there if they didn't have fucking War and Peace to read? Yeah, I don't either. Besides, unless you've never surfed the web, talked on the phone, taken a long lunch, taken a smoke break, played hooky with a sick day, chatted in the kitchen, or spent any time at work not working 100%, then please, for all of us this time, shut the fuck up. And if you haven't done any of those things, I apologize Mr. Christ. So nice to have you back. Have you seen the latest movie about you?
Sincerely yours,
Suburbanjoe
P.S. The next time you think about running your piehole about me, ask yourself why you're not doing any fucking work.
posted by Brandon at
5:42 PM
